Sunday, December 09, 2007

vote for the magic underpants

If, God forbid, you're a Republican and looking for a suitable candidate to throw your weight behind in the 2008 US Presidential election, you've got some interesting choices on your hands at the moment. So do you plump for:

Rudy Giuliani: Hero of New York City following 9/11, but a tricky one for the conservative wingnuts for a couple of reasons - firstly his somewhat "colourful" marital history, including marrying his cousin, various extramarital goings-on and allegations of certain financial and expenses "irregularities" during his clandestine affair with the woman who is currently his wife; secondly he has inconveniently liberal views on such conservative "dog-whistle" issues as gay marriage and abortion.

Mike Huckabee: former televangelist, bass guitarist, slightly weaselly Young-Earth creationist, and, more importantly than all this, bumble-bee flight denialist. Can we stop with this shit about the bumble-bee?
"It's scientifically impossible for the bumblebee to fly," he told a crowd in the small town of Newton. "But the bumblebee, being unaware of these scientific facts, flies anyway."
It's all very charming and quaint, but, as I believe I've said before, the truth matters. And the truth is - and this should hardly be surprising to anyone - we do know how the bumble-bee flies. It's 'cos of, you know, physics and stuff. The baby Jesus's involvement was not required. And yes, I know, the Huckabee/bumble-bee thing is a headline writer's wet dream. But still, let's keep our eye on the ball here.

Mitt Romney: it's getting better. Firstly: Romney is a Mormon. You may shrug indifferently, but they believe some really wacky things. Best of all is the magic underwear thing. Actually, even better than that is the story of the family dog when the Romneys went on holiday. Apparently the dog loved it, though, so that's OK. So that'll be why it explosively shat itself all over the back window then. His recent keynote speech regarding religion is pretty worrying too.

That air-traffic controller bloke out of Die Hard 2.

Plus some other no-hopers. It's really not an inspiring selection, unless you're some sort of insane religious fundamentalist, like, erm, most American voters. Oh shit.

Snap out of it, America. Vote for Hillary!


The Black Rabbit said...

Wasn't Mike Huckabee the lead singer of Simply Red?!

As for bumblebees - I find it very amusing that these wee beasties, (in an apparently unique way amongst insects), often need a little bit of a run-up before take-off!

As for physics - ahh yes. Those "constants" that are constantly changing.
Yes... I musn't upset the fizzy-cysts, waddever I do!

As you well know bate, swans are allegedly right on the limit for flight governed by dee lowwwers of physics, and as for jumbo jets - well... thats quite clearly MAGIK.

electrichalibut said...

They only pretend to be all slow and cumbersome so the Queen can catch them. She's not as sprightly as she used to be, you know.