Saturday, July 03, 2010

next week: cindy crawford cooks crawfish

A couple of observations after catching The Delicious Miss Dahl on the TV this morning:
  • Firstly, it seems richly ironic that Sophie Dahl, lovely as she is, seems to have magically become an expert on food shortly after the point in her life when she stopped actually eating any of it.
  • Secondly, what is it with this notion that there's something problematic about cooking rice? Sophie, in common with most TV chefs, has some magical method, in her case involving lots of rinsing, three parts water to two parts rice, foil over the top of the pan, magical incantations, goat sacrifice, et tediously cetera. It's just rice, for fuck's sake; staple diet of half the population of the world. If it was that bloody tricky they'd have given up and started eating something else. Just throw it in a big pan of boiling water, boil it for ten minutes (or more if it's that crazy tree-hugging hippy brown stuff), tip it into a sieve, run some hot water through it, serve. No more complicated than cooking pasta.
  • Finally, what is the problem with the word "turmeric"? In common with (in my experience at least) well over 50% of the western world, Sophie pronounces it "TYOO-MERIC". Why would you do that? It's "TUR-MERIC", just as it's spelt, including the "R" that's right there in the middle, clear as day. I'm starting to think people do it just to annoy me.
  • The rice and turmeric things were in the middle of a segment whereby Sophie Dahl cooked a dal; hahahahaha, ooh no stop it.


Emma said...

Re rice: I have had some unsuccessful gos at perfecting Dad's method, which is supposed to result in all the water neatly absorbed and little indentations on the surface. My own method goes something along the lines of: 1) bring rice to boil; 2) go away and forget about rice; 3) return to burned rice and throw away; 4) defrost naan bread or tortilla as appropriate.

The Black Rabbit said...

Re rice:

So there's no problem with cooking rice eh?

So you'll explain to me why the only time you cooked rice (or anything) round 'ere, you boiled it so mercilessly, so quickly, half of it turned into coal (we've since thrown away the pan) and the other half de-materialised and fled into the extractor fan.

I assume there was booze involved in your temporary loss of "culinary expertise", but that's an assumption you could confirm or not - if you would.



The Black Rabbit said...

I've just read Emma's comment.

Must run in the family.

electrichalibut said...

Well, I can't remember a rice-incinerating incident, so that probably tells you all you need to know about the booze situation.

I mean, obviously it is possible to burn or otherwise ruin rice if you put it on to boil at full pelt and then go off and have a nap or a round of golf or a fortnight's holiday in Spain or something. To be fair, though, that's hardly specific to rice; it would work just as well with pasta, peas, eggs etc.

The Black Rabbit said...

To be fair.
To beef air.
To fart.

Butt first...

Jann said...

Rusty kitchen implement of choice at the ready. Eyes open. Stab. Repeat until unconscious. The only known cure.

One deserves all the badly boiled rice that's gone all yellow and musty because of the tumor, Rick for watching that bug-eyed, charisma vacuum. Innit.

electrichalibut said...

You're probably right. Two things:

Maybe it really is a word in the context you've described. I say, this big calcified lump in my scrotum feels a bit tumouric, love; maybe I should see a doctor.

Secondly, the whole thing with her and jazz hobbit Jamie Cullum is a bit weird, what with her being about two feet taller than him and all. He must have to stand on a box.

Jann said...

Haha! Suspect he uses a map (although not the one of the shire)

PS, and to beef hair, She's his BFG.