I say, you fellows....

....here's a topping jape: collect search strings that Googlise your blog as the top entry on the list.

Obviously extra points are awarded for the comicalness of the juxtaposition of the words in the search string (and for the degree of difficulty involved - obviously the less words in the string, the more difficult it is for your blog to top the list). The Holy Grail would be a Googlewhack involving your own blog, but I haven't quite managed that - I have a couple of two-word phrases that return one result, but they fail to qualify on a technicality, sadly (one or both of the words isn't in Google's dictionary).

The strict terms of this particular internet meme say you should list five entries only, but I say bugger it, I'll do as many as I like. Feel free to pick your favourite five if you like. The rules also don't seem to explicitly disallow quoted strings, but this seems like cheating to me, so I haven't done it. Here we go:

• wriggling wrasse goop - returns our fishy Swanage exploits from a couple of weeks back
• shat hermaphrodite ortolan - my weird food list
• copydex pancaked - the nearest I got to a proper Googlewhack: one result only, but "Copydex" isn't in Google's dictionary. Oh well. It's from this post about planes'n'stuff.
• rampaging saveloy travesty - this album review
• chilly forbiddingness - not a particularly interesting phrase (from this book review), but it's a two-worder, so I thought I'd include it
• princess di screwdriver colonoscopy - now that is an interesting phrase.
• bulging beefy majesty - oh yes. I was referring to a wine box, as it happens
• lydia playfoot's testicles - for which I can only apologise.
• nightmare thai curry effluvia - we've all been there
• slightly cathartic bestial toaster porn - a bit odd, really. I mean, who hasn't written about this?
• pulverisingly flanged bowel - too much bestial toaster porn will do this to you.
  

Of course the very act of compiling this sort of listing changes the Google profile associated with the phrases in question in a quasi-Heisenbergian kind of way, or at least it will once the Google crawlers pick up this page. Hang on - now I can win for "shat chilly Heisenbergian testicle effluvia" as well. Brilliant!