Thursday, March 01, 2007

shock revelation of the day

Tim Lovejoy is a twat. There, I've said it. Hardly a major revelation, you might retort, and you'd probably be right. People probably come to this conclusion in different ways, either from watching Soccer AM on Sky Sports (where, come to think of it, even the programme title is irritating - it's a British show with British presenters about British football, so why the American-style title? Why not Football AM? Twats.), or from watching Fifth Gear on Channel 5, or from watching, as I did, Something For The Weekend on BBC2 on Sunday mornings.

Evidence for the prosecution #1: general

This particular brand of twattery is by no means restricted to Tim Lovejoy, in fact it's quite widespread, but he does embody it in a particularly irritating way. It's a general smug anti-intellectualism, a sort of revelling in your own boneheaded ignorance about anything beyond sausages, lager and football; a general attitude that being intelligent, well-read, actually knowing stuff, is a bit effete and embarrassing. Apparently being a numbskull is OK as long as you've got a bit of cockney gift-of-the-gab charm and a fashionable haircut. [The Freudian subtext here, which I'm sure someone will be kind enough to point out to me if I don't mention it is: you're just jealous because women probably fancy Tim Lovejoy more than you. This is almost certainly true; fortunately that in itself doesn't invalidate my point.]

There are far more serious repercussions of a pervasive and pernicious anti-intellectualism, 70% of 11-year olds not being able to read (I'm aware that's probably not the right figure, I'm just making a point here. I can't be bothered to go and look it up), and fundamentalist Christians in the White House to name but two. Homeopathy and other assorted pseudoscientific charlatanism and quackery demanding equal billing with proper medicine would be another. Other assorted ramblings on this subject can be found here, here and here. I won't personally ramble on about it any further as we're in danger of straying from the point, which is, just to recap, that Tim Lovejoy is a twat.

Evidence for the prosecution #2: specific

One of the guests on last Sunday's (Feb 25th) show was Jamelia, who has a new single out - a song whose backing is essentially Golden Brown by The Stranglers. Apart from a general old fogeyish desire that people would write their own bleedin' songs I have no particular problem with this, though I won't be rushing out to buy it. Tim Lovejoy then went on to say that Golden Brown is unusual because it's in waltz time, that that accounted for you not being able to dance to it, and that furthermore it's the only single in waltz time ever to make the UK top ten.
The last claim I have neither the time nor the inclination to try and verify, but it seems a bit on the unlikely side to me. If anyone can prove or disprove it let me know.

As for not being able to dance to songs in waltz time, well, there is this little-known dance called THE WALTZ that I believe you can do, if you try really really hard.

As for Golden Brown: well, the reason you can't dance to it is nothing to do with it being in waltz time, it's because every so often they throw an extra beat in, so after every three bars of 3/4 you get a bar of 4/4 - or after every bar of 6/8 you get a bar of 7/8 - or the whole thing's in 13/8, depending on how you look at it. Have a listen and you'll see (well, hear). More fascinating time-signature trainspottery can be found here.

Just to recap then: twat.


Anonymous said...


re: Tim Lovejoy, you are so right, although I thought I'm sure this vitriol should be extended to presenters who have no shame in revelling in their own stupidity. So, please step forward the next twat........Vernon Kay.


Anonymous said...

A few months ago I saw Tim Lovejoy in a club snogging a woman. Our table was next to his and a man who had been sitting there previously (somewhere between the two tables) had lost his wallet. While my table all made an effort to have a look for the wallet, Lovejoy, the twat, wouldn't even acknowledge the poor man's presence. I didn't know who Lovejoy was at the time but I thought he was an utter twat and, worse, a not very nice person. Have seen him on tv since then being a bit mean to the cooking man on Something for the Weekend. Don't like him one bit.

Anonymous said...

Tim Lovejoy is a twat, damn correct.
The thing is he knows nothing about football either and is loathed by huge numbers of football fans.
Get this man off the airwaves.

Anonymous said...

Tim Lovejoy is a legend, all he does is goes on tv and tries to entertain. Isn't this why we watch the television to get entertained so you sad bunch of low lives need to grow up of criticising him. We all have our own opinions but keep them to yourself.
Dave your a wanker.

electrichalibut said...

We all have our own opinions but keep them to yourself.

Pot, kettle, etc., etc. Thanks for popping in though.

Anonymous said...

His bored delivery style and bad manners make him unwatchable. Honestly do not understand how he got a job as a presenter.

Liam said...

If there is only one thing worse than a blissfully stupid individual it is someone who judges that individual. You say he is boneheaded and genereally a bit thick when it comes to something other than sausages, lager and football. That isn't 'evidence for the prosecution', it is an opinion, I wonder what actual evidence are you basing that opinion on. He knows how to raise kids and present a TV show. Your second bit of evidence is based on a hunch... you fucking idiot; you present this opinion and try to pass it off as fact, and the only people you are persuading to your point are the people stupid enough to be baffled by your pretentious choice of words. Just because you used the phrase 'repercussions of a pervasive and pernicious anti-intellectualism', it doesn't mean you are intelligent and people like Lovejoy are unintelligent. He's earning a decent wage, what are you doing with your life? Posting a write up about how you hate some guy off the tele. It's not even a good write up, I think I could sum up what you are trying to say; 'I don't like Tim Lovejoy but I don't know why'. You hide behind your hyperbolic phrases and pretentious and vaguely unfamiliar lexemes to cover up what is basically a hunch, an opinion, a twinge of dislike, and you don't have the intelligence to adequately describe or back up what you are thinking. 70% of 11 year olds can't read? First of all you are unsure of that figure, congrats, but even if you were, use a bit of common sense and don't spout statistics like that without knowing where it came from. 70% of which 11 year olds? American? Brit? In any case, 70% is quite obviously way off the actual figure. If you want to prove a point don't elaborate on the opinions and do elaborate on any stats and facts. You set yourself up for failure anyway by assuming that people reading your post will agree that Lovejoy is a twat. Well, if you only want to speak to those who agree with you then I hope your happy preaching to those who will lick your back side and back up your less than half arsed points. Just remember though, if you preach to the converted you will never learn anything. It's rather like those fundamentalist Christians you mention.

electrichalibut said...

It's a pity that Blogger doesn't attach date-stamps to comments, because if it did they would reveal that this is the most regularly-commented-on post on the whole blog, bizarrely still attracting the occasional drive-by loon (see above) fully two-and-a-half years after it was originally written. I wish I knew why. Is it just that "tim lovejoy twat" or some similar string is a common Google search? Probably.

kevin said...

almost 3 years on, tim lovejoy is still a twat

Anonymous said...

If you try really really really hard you can dance to 13/8 time. I did it this morning.

Tim Lovejoy is okay.