Friday, December 04, 2009

it could suck an orange through a hosepipe

You've got to know when it's time to move on. You can't keep tinkering, changing something here, patching up something there, hoping for the best. You've eventually got to say: bollocks, I need a new vacuum cleaner. And so it was this week, as I bid a poignant and tearful farewell to my old upright bagless Electrolux, which I bought from House of Fraser in central Bristol way back in 2002 (and, in my pre-car days, carted home on the bus) and which had given several years of admirable service, but lately suffered a tragic loss of suction. You try and turn a blind eye, but eventually you have to face the truth - the old girl just isn't up to it any more. So it was with a heavy heart that I went down to Tesco and handed over £59.97 for a sparkly new Samsung SU2920. Vacuum cleaners new and old are pictured on the right. Sic transit gloria mundi, and all that., it's OK, I've just got something in my eye.

Anyway, I tested the new one out, and it REALLY SUCKS. No, but in a good way. I am, however, slightly disturbed by the slogan on the cardboard box it came in. See for yourself:

Crikey. Apparently I DEMAND perfection from not only myself, but EVERYTHING around me as well. Copping out and settling for 99% perfect won't do for me, no sirree, only absolute immaculate impeccable perfection in all things will cut the mustard. That being the case it's fortunate that I've been shrewd enough to purchase a vacuum cleaner that, in addition to the mundane stuff like sucking dust and fluff and hair out of carpets, quite literally creates perfection, in some mysterious way.

I notice that the box contains a spare drive belt and HEPA filter, but that's it. Evidently if the perfection-generating gizmo goes I'll have to get a man in.

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