Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Turkeys: dead. Matthews: alive!

I was holding forth confidently at the weekend about the avian flu outbreak in Norfolk; something along the lines of how Bernard Matthews Ltd. would be suffering, but Bernard Matthews himself wouldn't care too much, as he was dead. My confidence in making this statement was based on the clear recollection of reading his obituary in The Independent a few months ago.

It turns out, however, that he is alive and well (or as well as could be expected for a 77-year-old) and living in, well, possibly Norfolk, but more likely Barbados. And I don't suppose he eats very many Bernard Matthews Turkey Steaks either, in stark contrast to my student days when I used to live on them - and Birds Eye Potato Waffles (they're waffly versatile, after all). I suppose what I must have read was this article from December - not an obituary at all in fact, but an profile on the occasion of his receiving a gong from the Queen for services to (presumably) mincing up turkey eyelids, mixing them with pork fat, coating them in breadcrumbs, deep-frying them and feeding them to a nation's kids.

I wonder what the incubation period is for the human form of the H5N1 virus? I can see it now: Matthews inspects turkey production plant, breathes deeply, visits Buckingham Palace to receive award, breathes on Queen.....Queen comes down with bird flu! Remember: you read it here first.

No comments: