Friday, September 21, 2007

it's ineggsplicable

Eggs. The fruit of the chicken tree. We all know them, and some of us love them - the ultimate fast food, go to work on an egg, all that drivel.

Some of us don't love them, though, but do acknowledge their usefulness for a wide and diverse variety of culinary applications, from making pastry to quiche filling to pasta carbonara, etc. etc. The trouble is, I don't (I am one of these oophobes, by the way) make pastry or quiche that often, so if I buy a packet of six eggs and use, say, a couple for some pastry, I'm then left with four eggs I don't need, and by the next time I have a need for eggs they'll have long since gone sulphurously off.

So what's needed, quite obviously, is a little jar of dehydrated egg product which I can reconstitute carefully calibrated amounts of as required. Obvious, really - so I'll just pop down the supermarket and pick one up then. Oh, hang on, there appears to be NO SUCH THING. Why is this? For the love of God, why?

It turns out that you can get powdered eggs, both whole and separated into white and yolk, but they only tend to come in catering-size packages. Which is all very well, but I don't really need 500kg of powdered egg yolk, let alone an entire road tanker of the stuff. A small tub like the one pictured above would solve all my oophagic worries at a stroke.
I wonder if there's a bit of a stigma attached to powdered egg in the UK following wartime rationing, though the Bird's powder in the link appears to be egg "substitute" which is a bit alarming. Probably made from cornflour and asbestos or something like that. Well, in fact it's probably made from whatever they substitute for eggs in Bird's Custard Powder, as this contains no actual eggs. I'd assumed this was a side-effect of wartime shortages, but apparently it dates all the way back to when Mr. Bird invented the stuff in the 1830s, and it's because Mrs. Bird was allergic to eggs. FACT. Another factoid for you - novelist Fay Weldon was head of the copywriting team who came up with the "go to work on an egg" slogan.


The Black Rabbit said...

Good god man.

Go to a farm and make off with one of their chickens. You can keep it in the airing cupboard. Probably.

If you really want to make a girly quiche or pastry, make sure your hair is up, and you've got your pinny on first, then procure an egg from your airing-cupboard hen.

Surplus eggs? No worries. Lob 'em out of the window at passing cars with their sun roofs open.

Jeez... some people would think you'd never been to university.

electrichalibut said...

Trouble is, given that my egg requirements run at about one egg per month, that chicken would soon be more egg-bound than you after a week of living on white bread and sausage rolls.

So I take it that you don't think it's a bit of a gap in the market then? You'll be laughing on the other side of your face when I'm a miwwionaire powdered egg magnate.

everlands said...

Simply eat more eggs. Fool.