Wednesday, December 11, 2019

bombed between groins

I spotted this on Twitter earlier today:


This turns out to be from 2014, but I imagine the principal protagonist (who is from Taipei) still winces about it, and possibly finds himself unable to eat noodles without experiencing some sort of PTSD reaction. A couple of questions immediately spring to mind:
  • I mean, just generally, what was going on here? It turns out there is an answer, of sorts, involving, as you would expect, some exceptionally poor life choices;
  • Who the hell is "Chris Illuminati"? Does he even exist? Is he some sort of Nazi space lizard, under deep deep cover as a lazy recycler of internet content for "brobible", and secretly using his job as an excuse to laugh at us puny humans and our pathetic warm-blooded non-scaly antics?
  • Lastly, what does "cooking up ramen in a Speedo" mean? You'd think it meant he was actually using a pair of Speedos as a cooking pot, something that would surely be problematic from a flammability point of view, not to mention the issue of all the soup falling out through the leg-holes leaving a bulging gusset of half-cooked wet noodles. At least it might put the fire out. It turns out the original web page from which "brobible" shamelessly swiped most of the content phrased it slightly differently, although still not in a way most people would recognise as proper actual English (that would require an "s" on the end of "Speedo"). Maybe the extra "a" was added to foil plagiarism-bots hunting down shameless scrapers of website content or something;
  • Finally, note that the byline under this version of the story is equally stupid, though a bit less obviously lizardy.

I think the reason that some of the phrasing here is a bit odd is that this is an English translation of an original article in Japanese. Clearly a bit more care has been taken than just running it through Google Translate, though, since if you do that you end up with this




8 comments:

Uptravi said...

regained the weight that they had lost, compared to 28 formerly obese women who had lost weight and maintained their weight for at least one year and 20 women with a stable weight in the healthy range, found the women who regained the weight:
Keto Gedeon

Medrol said...

Ginkgo (Ginkgo biloba) is a unique tree with no close living relatives. Ginkgo extract treats circulation problems of impotence and increases blood flow to most tissues and organs, including the penis. It helps to correct atheroscerosis, hypertension and depression, absentmindedness and memory problems. Ginkgo also protects against oxidative cell
Bionatrol Pro Enhance

Medrol said...

Additional claimed benefits include harder erections, increased stamina and increased desire. Common ingredients in this category are Ginko Biloba and Ginseng both of which are natural herbs which studies suggest increase blood flow to different tissues of the human body including the penis. Penis enlargement pills don't have any noticeable effect on semen volume or fertility.
Ryzex Male Enhancement

Medrol said...

Losing weight (even a lot of weight) is not rocket science. So rest assured that anyone can do it, even you. However, it will require all the patience, discipline, determination and perseverance you can muster.
Keto Trim 800

Soliqua said...

is far more important than having loose skin. Even when you have loose skin after weight loss there are ways to remove it such as post-bariatric surgery which includes tummy tucks, breast augmentations, and thigh lifts. The loose skin, although it may not seem like it, is a proud

Rapid Fast Keto Boost

Watson said...

Penis enlargement supplements are the next most recognizable male enhancement product after Viagra and Cialis. These products claim to work by increasing the blood flow to the penis and expanding the Corpus Cavernosa tissue of the penis.
Celaxryn RX

Medrol said...

scenes found in adult movies. Many volume pills also enhance pleasure, increase libido and have positive effects on sperm unless they are solely intended for male fertility improvement. A sub category of the semen volume pills are supplements that only focus on enhancing male fertility by affecting the quality and quantity of sperm.
Zydenafil

Medrol said...

These electric trolleys are also good for the posture as you do not have to bend over or twist your back to pull the carrier along. All you need to do is walk normally, and guide the carrier alongside in front of you. This is an excellent option if you have had back injuries in the past,
Electric Back Massager Reviews