carnage

While we were in Pembrokeshire we foolishly forgot to do any pre-emptive gardening before we left, and as it was a bit wet (to say the least) while we were away, by the time we got back the whole garden (and the herb patch in particular) had turned into some sort of gastropod brothel. Check it out:

They were climbing up the outside of the mint pot -


in the mint -


in the chives -


on the lupins -


and even getting up to some hot transgressive forbidden interspecies snail-on-slug action on the back wall -


Finally I encountered this gargantuan bastard feasting on my oregano -


That was the last straw; enough already. Time to deploy the slug pellets.


Luckily these are irresistibly delicious to slugs and snails and our monster friend immediately homed (sluggishly) in on them and started chowing down with a certain amount of gusto -


- little realising the hideous fate that was in store for him. The effect isn't immediate, but at some point during the night a chemical reaction occurred and jumbo here experienced something like the bloke in the famous scene from David Cronenberg's Scanners, i.e. he turned inside out in a probably painful manner. The aftermath makes sobering viewing:





So, to recap: do not mess with my oregano or I'll feed you something that will cause you to turn inside out in a painful manner. And I don't mean my spicy meatballs.