first will and netstatement

Should I be hideously slain in a bizarre blogging accident before I've got round to putting together an actual proper will, here's what I want my grief-stricken friends and family to do.

First, donate all my useful organs to medical science; I won't be needing them any more. Corneas, kidneys, heart, organs of Corti, islets of Langerhans, toes, earlobes, you can take it all.

Then take my flayed and ravaged corpse and torch, I mean cremate, it.

Then scrape all the ashes together, stick them through a crusher to get the big lumps out (crematoria really do do this already, you know), and put them in a bowl.

Then make them into pills. Now I'm in two minds about how to do this: my first thought was to use an old-fashioned pill-press to make them into aspirin-style tablets, but then I thought it might be easier to make them into capsules (as per the image on the left). Do this in such a way as to end up with a pill for everyone attending the memorial ceremony.

Then, at a suitable point during the ceremony, everyone pops the tablet in their mouth, lifts the ceremonial glass of water to their lips, and glugs me right down.

What better send-off into the afterlife than to be ingested (and subsequently excreted) by your friends and loved ones? Plus, charcoal is good for the digestion, so I'd be doing everyone a favour as I passed through their alimentary tracts in a mysterious way.